


a reason to wake up in the morning

by australian_heda



Category: Wentworth (TV)
Genre: Angst, Ballie, Drug Use, F/F, Violence, episode 10 preview one shot, this is how i think it's gonna go
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-06
Updated: 2016-07-06
Packaged: 2018-07-21 22:18:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,659
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7407316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/australian_heda/pseuds/australian_heda
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>bea realises too late that allie had nothing to do with the attack. angst ensues.</p>
            </blockquote>





	a reason to wake up in the morning

**Author's Note:**

> okay wentworth lovas, here is a lil one shot i quickly wrote up to help me recover from last nights ep! feel free to message me on trigedaslengslut with a ballie prompt, or if you just want to talk about our two baes or fridget :) enjoy!

“She’s all yours now,” Kaz sneered, looking at Bea with hard eyes and her mouth pressed tightly together.

Raising her brows and stepping closer to the woman, Bea asked sharply, “What the fuck do you mean ‘all mine now’?”

Kaz shrugged her shoulders Bea’s eyes followed her as she walked across the unit to lay on the lounge.

“Allie made it clear where her loyalty lies,” Kaz spat at Bea before grabbing a book. “It’s not with me. Not anymore.”

Her hands shaking and eyes opening widely at the confession, Bea replied angrily, “So all that shit about her being bait? It was all just a lie?”

“She’s my girl. And she basically admitted that she’d rather be with you than me,” Kaz sneered, opening the book and beginning to flip the pages. “I did what I had to.”

“You _fucking_ prick,” Bea snarled before closing the space between them. Ripping the book out of Kaz’s hands, Bea hurled it across the unit and picked Kaz up by her shirt.

The woman reacted immediately, pushing Bea off her and yelling, “Get the _fuck_ out of my unit!”

“Trust me, I’m going,” Bea scowled before stepping closer to the woman again and adding, “You’re a pathetic excuse of a woman, Kaz. You’ll get what’s comin’ for ya.”

Storming out of the unit, Bea raced down the hallway in search of Allie. Bea knew exactly where the girl would be – she just hoped it wasn’t too late to fix her fuck up. Relief was surging through her system at the confirmation that Allie had nothing to do with the attack. But with that, also came the overwhelming guilt that Bea hadn’t believed her.

 _You’re nothing but a lying junkie street whore_.

Her own words echoed in her mind and Bea felt bile rising up her throat at the atrocities that she spat at the blonde. Bea leant her head against the wall, stopping for a second to catch her breath and push the vomit back down.

“Smith, are you alright?” Mr. Jackson asked from behind her. Flipping her head to face him, Bea suddenly remembered that he was _there_. He was there while she was unconscious. If anyone know the truth it would be Mr. Jackson.

“When you first found me … after the attack, what exactly did you see?” Bea questioned.

Mr. Jackson raised his eyebrows and answered, “You were unconscious on the floor. You’d been half drowned by -”

Shaking her head and waving her arms, Bea added, “Yeah, yeah I know that. But what did you see other than me?”

“When I first walked in, Novak was trying to perform CPR. I believe she was the one who called for the panic button to be pushed,” Mr. Jackson concluded, worry etched all over his face.

Raising her brows and feeling her stomach churn even more, Bea asked, “Did she say anything to you? Anything at all?”

Mr. Jackson looked away from Bea and scrunched his brows before answering, “Allie was hysterical. She was screaming at me to help you … she looked terrified.”

Nodding her head at his words and biting her lip - Bea couldn’t believe how blind she’d been.

“What’s going on Bea?” Mr. Jackson asked after a moment of silence.

Shaking her head at him, Bea answered, “Thanks, Mr. Jackson.”

Leaving him standing there alone, Bea made her way to the kitchen as quickly as she could.

“Allie,” Bea called out once she was outside the equipment room door. “Allie are you in there?”

Pushing open the door slowly, Bea stepped inside and scanned the room. As her eyes reached the bench, Bea’s stomach hit the ground.

“Bea,” a small voice next to the doorway choked out. Turning to look at the blonde, Bea saw Allie curled up into a ball with tear streaks staining her face. Her facial expression was sullen and her eyes glassy.

Anger shot through Bea fast as she grabbed the drug packet and yelled, “What the fuck is this?!”

Allie shook her head violently and she sobbed out, “I’m – I’m sorry… I just-”

“Fucking hell, Allie,” Bea said harshly before crouching down next to her. “How much gear did you take?”

“I dunno,” Allie said with a shaky voice.

Bea raised her brows and pushed her further, “ _How much_ Allie?”

“Not much,” the blonde sobbed out. “Not _enough_.”

Anger flaring even more, Bea stood up suddenly and shut the room door. Placing her hands on the bench and breathing in deeply, Bea tried to calm herself down. Drugs were something she could never tolerate. They were part of what took Debbie away from her.

Bea would be damned if she let them take Allie too.

“I didn’t have anything to do with it,” Allie murmured suddenly from the corner. “I didn’t have anything to do with it.”

“I know that,” Bea said, crouching back down next to her. “I know.”

Allie looked away from her and placed her head against the wall behind her, “You hate me. You hate me and I can’t … I can’t deal with it.”

Reaching out and tentatively tucked a strand of blonde hair behind the girl’s ear before replying, “I don’t hate you Allie. But I hate that you’ve gone and gotten back on the gear.”

“No you do hate me,” Allie said slapping Bea’s hand away. “You do hate me. You called me a whore.”

Bea’s gut twisted and tears threatened to spill from her eyes. But Allie was growing more and more hysterical as the drugs took their toll. Bea knew nothing she said right now would register with Allie, so instead of trying to discuss anything with her, she just picked her up.

“Come on,” Bea said as the blonde sagged onto her shoulder. Bea would’ve gladly taken her into her arms and carried her back to her unit, but there were too many screws around. They’d never make it back without one of them noticing and calling it in.

“Where are we going?” Allie asked, her eyes finding Bea’s.

Looking away from the blonde, Bea answered, “Back to your unit, it’s almost time for the count.”

Allie remained quiet the entire trip back to the unit, for which Bea was thankful. The last thing either of them needed was screw’s catching them and seeing the state Allie was in. But all that Bea was thinking about was how this was her fault.

If she had just _listened_ to Allie and not assumed the worst, maybe Allie wouldn’t be on the gear. If she hadn’t been so blinded by anger, she would’ve seen the absolute sincerity in Allie’s eyes. If she spent less time being stubborn and more time with Allie, she could’ve prevented this mess.

But she hadn’t done any of those things, and now Allie was fucked up.

Entering the unit, Kaz immediately yelled “What the fuck? What happened?!”

“She’s taken some gear,” Bea answered coldly, before gesturing to the cells. “Which one is hers?”

Kaz shook her head and said, “We’ve got her from here. We don’t need you.”

“Maybe you don’t,” Bea replied, narrowing her eyes. “But Allie does. Now which one is her fucking cell?”

*

Bea had stayed with Allie until the count, sitting next to her bed and holding her hand. The blonde had been delirious for the most part, riding out the drugs. But sometimes she’d also cried and sobbed out the same line over and over again.

 _I didn’t have anything to do with it_.

Watching Allie crumble had been one of the most painful things Bea had ever witnessed. Bea had tried to talk to Allie - tried to tell her that she knew Allie had nothing to do with it - but the drugs made it impossible for the blonde to listen or think straight.

The only indication Bea got that _her_ Allie was still in there, was the slender fingers that had been entwined with hers.

When she returned to her own cell, Bea couldn’t sleep. She spent the night tossing and turning, and feeling restless. When sleep did find her, Bea was thankful that it was dreamless and peaceful.

And the next morning, Allie was the first thing to come to Bea’s mind when she woke. Throwing on her teal jumper & trackies and tying her wild hair back, Bea didn’t bother to wait for everyone else to get ready for breakfast. Striding into the dining area as quickly as she could, Bea immediately looked around for the blonde.

She spotted Allie straight away sitting with Kaz, her head on the table and food untouched. Bea tried to catch her eye, but the girl was obviously out of it. Not bothering to get food, Bea stormed over to the Asian crew’s table.

“Did you sell Allie the gear?” Bea spat, glaring at all of them.

“Don’t know what you’re talking about,” the leader said with a hardened expression.

Grabbing the girl by the scruff of the neck and pulling her out of the chair, Bea yelled, “If you give her any more gear, you won’t like what’ll be comin’ for ya. You hear me?!”

The Asian girl struggled against Bea’s grip, but Bea glared at her unnervingly until finally the girl answered, “Fine! Fine! No gear to blondie!”

Putting the girl down, Bea stormed out of the room without a second glance at Kaz and her crew. Allie would be fine with Kaz, for now, but Bea needed to call Franky to see what she managed to find out about Butler.

She’d only just hung up the phone when she turned around to see Kaz staring her down.

“The fuck do you want?” Bea asked before adding, “Where’s Allie?”

“I want you to stay away from her,” Kaz scowled. “She was fine before you came along.”

Edging closer to the woman, Bea snarled, “She was fine before you fucking lied to me.”

“I may have lied to you about her, but you were the one who pushed her over the edge,” Kaz spat.

“Where is she?” Bea asked again, ignoring Kaz’s words. “She shouldn’t be alone.”

“In the yard? Like everyone bloody else?” Kaz replied with a hard glare. “She’s with the girls, she’ll be fine.”

“Like hell she will be,” Bea responded before half running to the yard.

She knew what the other women were like. Word will have gotten out about Allie’s supposed involvement with Ferguson and Kaz. Allie will be lynched by anyone trying to get in Bea’s good favour.

“Smith! No running,” Ms. Miles yelled at her as she slowed to a fast walk. Bea’s anxiety grew as she stepped into the yard and saw Allie slinking around with a hand on her mouth. Her hair was a mess and she had a dazed look in her eyes.

Kaz pushed past Bea, and walked over to where all of the other girls were standing. She motioned for Allie to follow her, and Bea’s eyes never left the blonde as she followed clumsily.

“Freak lover!” one of the women shouted at Allie as she went.

“Fucking slag,” another one snarled.

A foul taste landed in Bea’s mouth as she heard the women spit things at Allie and Kaz, she narrowed her eyes and was about to tell them off when she heard Allie start yelling.

“Come on then, get it over with. Come on!”

The women didn’t waste no time and before Bea knew it, Allie was getting pounced on.

 “Allie!” Bea screamed breaking out into a full sprint towards her. Kaz was also running in Allie’s direction, but the blonde was already on the ground with her jacket removed and women towering over her.

“Fucking stop!” Bea shrieked, helping Kaz pull the prisoners off the blonde. Punching a few of them in the face, Bea pulled Allie up and dragged her out of their reach. “No one touches her!”

The women looked at Bea like she was a lunatic, and Bea could practically hear their thoughts.

_Protecting the girl that tried to have her killed? Was she crazy?_

“Give her to me, we’ll look after her,” Kaz said tugging on Allie’s body.

“If you’d looked after her this morning, she wouldn’t be on the fucking gear again Kaz,” Bea snarled, before tilting Allie’s face and examining the bruises and cuts on it. “She needs to go to medical.”

Allie shook her head and slurred out, “No. I won’t go. I’m fine.”

Bea stared at her harshly before snarling to Kaz, “She’s coming with me.”

Pulling Allie upright and guiding her into the shower block, Bea screamed at the few women inside to fuck off and pushed the blonde up against the wall.

“What the fuck were you thinking?” Bea said coldly. “Getting back on the gear _again_ and letting yourself get attacked?”

“I wasn’t … wasn’t thinking Bea,” Allie said in a small voice. “I’m sorry.”

“Stop saying you’re fucking sorry,” Bea said taking a step back from the woman.

Allie’s eyes remained on hers as she said, “You hate me. I can see it in your eyes.”

Softening her expression slightly, Bea replied, “You really think that? You think I’d be so fuckin’ angry if I hated you? You think I’d give a shit about the fact that you’re off your face if I hated you?”

Tears began rushing down Allie’s face and the blonde clutched at her stomach as sobs once again racked body. Turning away from Allie so the blonde wouldn’t see the stray tear trailing down her face, Bea clutched at her own twisting stomach. Bea’s gut wrenched at the sound of Allie’s sobs and though she was _furious_ that she had used again, looking at how _broken_ the blonde looked made it difficult to continue being so cold.

“I love you,” Allie said suddenly, making Bea turn back around to face her.

“That’s a shame,” Bea answered, the words spilling from her mouth before could stop them. “Because everyone who cares about me ends up fucked. I mean look at you, Allie, you’re a mess. You’re back on the gear and it’s all because of me.”

Allie shook her head and yelled, “I’m back on the gear because I’m weak, Bea! I want to be strong like you, but I’m not!”

Closing the space between them, Bea said, “This is not because of you, Allie! It’s because I pushed you too fucking far.”

“It’s not your fault, Bea,” Allie protested.

The blonde choked on a sob and Bea kept her distance for a few more moments before stating, “You better get clean and never touch that shit again because if you don’t… you and me whatever it was – it’s done.”

Allie slumped against the wall behind her, and Bea moved in closer to her. Cupping Allie’s cheek with one hand, Bea looked hard into the girl’s eyes. “Promise me you won’t do that shit again.”

Allie’s watery blue eyes stared back at her and she remained silent for a few moments, causing Bea to worry that maybe Allie wouldn’t want to give up the drugs anymore.

“I love you, Allie. But I can’t sit around and watch you do this to yourself,” Bea whispered, letting the confession slip from her lips. She’d been falling for Allie for months, but seeing her like this and hearing the blonde’s own admission just made Bea realise how in love with the woman she was.

Allie’s eyes widened at Bea’s words, clearly taken back by them. But not two seconds later, the blonde leant in close to Bea and placed a small, chaste kiss on her lips before replying softly, “I promise, Bea.”

The worry was released from Bea’s body at the words and she pressed her head against Allie’s for several moments. Allie was still slightly off her face, but she was alive. She was alive and everything between them wasn’t the _lie_ she thought it was.

Allie _loved_ her and Bea still had a reason to wake up in the morning.

**Author's Note:**

> prayer circle that this is how everything goes down !!! BLESS
> 
> PS thnx to leksaklarke for lettin me use some of her post!!!!


End file.
